Safe & Sound

Riad - I’ve used this word a few times now but never properly defined it. According to Marrakech Riads, a riad is: “a traditional Moroccan house or palace with an indoor garden and courtyard. They are located within the old city “Medina” walls. Generally, the Riad is fully enclosed inside, insulated with high-strength, neutral walls and with minimal vents to keep out heat and street noise…”

On Monday night after deciding to stay in after my evening nap I had a moment. I felt alone. I was literally alone in this big over-furnished, multi bedroom, home within a home. Even the guides said this riad was actually a big riad and a small riad  connected. I was in the big riad in huge room named  Hubb. Hubb means love, the assistant and tour guide told me. It was also clearly a “his & hers” suite; with complementary slippers and robes. Not until 9pm did I begin to feel out of place. 

By then, the Riad manager and his assistant had left and an older woman, who I hadn’t met yet, seemed to be controlling who could get in and out. At  check in I asked the manager for a key and was told “it was like family” there. And I could have sworn he also said only men were given keys… But maybe I misheard. Anyway, this is also the way it was at my host family; my roommate and I had to knock every time to come back in the main door.  I decided I didn’t have the energy to stress about this in another land, in a different culture, where everyone in the riad was using a latch / bolt and not keycards or keys to close and lock their doors. With a latch on the outside too let’s just hope no one attempted to lock me into my room while I was in it. 😬 I’d just keep my phone on and charged on the inside. But I probably had nothing to worry about. This riad had great reviews, 4.5 stars and I was open to an “authentic” experience. By the end of this stay I was going to learn to embrace this fortress like a real riad princess or the king’s first wife or favorite concubine might have in the 16th century.

That said, when people say “we’re a family or like a family” about something that’s clearly not really a family it’s triggering for me because it’s really something unhealthy. Reminds me of a past job. The CEO saying “we’re a family here” as I pull an l nighter at the office with a few other employees…Or you’re like my big sister as they proceed to ask you for money or a place to stay. So “we’re like a family” often masks some dysfunctional or manipulative behavior. In this case, at this Riad, what could it mean? 

At 9pm, out of the 8 or so rooms, I think only one other was occupied by a couple from Philiadelphia. I decided to wait up until I heard them come in. I had resolved that I would try to talk to them in the morning. I took a shower and thought I could call someone; maybe someone in the states, go back to sleep, watch something besides the BBC (maybe on my phone or listen to a podcast), or pray. I did listen to a podcast, thought about my next blog posts a bit but ultimately decided to pray. I realized I was feeling nervous and uneasy as it was the first time I felt really alone on this trip even though I could hear voices of the neighbors, which I hadn’t noticed earlier. But that was more creepy than comforting for some reason. I also couldn’t figure out how to completely turn off the lights (it used a rotating dimmer switch), the air conditioner wouldn’t come back on I was feeling claustrophobic in the room. The way riads are set up, the only opening to the outside is to the center courtyard area of the riad. And with the doors and windows of my room bolted shut, not knowing what or who was on the other side, I felt especially locked in. Eventually, I did hear a knock at the door though, it was opened and I could hear the Philly couple giving Arabic greetings and eventually saying they’d gave breakfast in the morning at 9:30. This was a good sign of life & normalcy on the other side. I wasn’t hyperventilating or anything before that; just a bit nervous and feeling out of place in the room alone. 

So I decided to pray and tell God how I was feeling. Honestly I can’t remember exactly what I said but I definitely needed comfort in that moment and Holy Spirit gave it to me enough to be able to fall asleep. I didn’t sleep like a baby, but I did play some worship music all night waking periodically for a few minutes at a time. One of those times I woke up and realized the AC unit was tied to a light switch in the room. Once that switch was on the circuit was closed (shoutout to high school electronics course) and current was running to then AC unit, so that it could be controlled by the remote again. 🙌🏾 Here I go turning off lights to conserve power and meanwhile causing myself to stress out about this AC without even knowing it. By the next morning I was up and at breakfast by 9:30… hoping to meet the couple at the tables set up on the roof. 

I shared all this to say, when in Rome do as the Romans do. But it really helps to know some Romans and if not have some fellow foreigners with you. I never really thought that my stay would turn into the storyline for the next “Taken” movie but the worst of my thoughts definitely did get the best of me that night. Traveling with an ally is key. It doesn’t always need to be a good friend, but someone that has a mutual interest in the success of your stay makes a huge difference. They could have helped me troubleshoot the AC situation, or listen out for the Philly couple, figure out the dimmer switch, and maybe I would have gone out again in the evening without hesitation. Ultimately I’m writing this 2 days later knowing I was not in harm’s way, but also knowing, in the moment, having a friend close-by would have been ideal.